Зачем родители вмешиваются в споры в песочнице?

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Должны ли родители вмешиваться в отношения маленьких детей? Их ссоры и конфликты — школа жизни, которую нужно пройти самостоятельно, или без помощи опытных наставников не обойтись?

Зачем родители вмешиваются в споры в песочнице?

Иногда на детской площадке мой четырехлетний сын что-то делит со сверстниками. Их мамы тут же начинают ругать моего ребенка или учить своего, как дать сдачи. Надо ли вмешиваться взрослым в споры детей о ведерке и совке?

Ирина, 29 лет, Омск

Анна Скавитина, детский аналитик

Ирина, ребенок-дошкольник пока еще не владеет навыками саморегулирования: понравилась игрушка — начинает отбирать, разозлился — замахнулся кулаком, ударил. Эти конфликты — тоже форма общения и взаимодействия детей, но общаться эффективно они еще не могут. В такие моменты ребенку нужна помощь и поддержка родителей.

Когда стоит вмешаться? Если вы видите, что сыну могут нанести физический или психологический вред: другой ребенок нападает, бьет вашего совком по голове или кричит оскорбительные вещи, — вмешиваться в ситуацию нужно. Часто достаточно четко сказать: «Я никому не разрешаю бить моего сына или обзывать его. Не делайте так». Кричать, ругаться или воспитывать чужого ребенка точно не нужно.

Если на вашего ребенка кричат и делают ему замечания, важно, чтобы вы выполнили свои родительские функции

Ваше поведение дает ребенку модель того, как следует вести себя в ситуациях споров и конфликтов. Иногда детям необходим взрослый, который подскажет, как понять других, с помощью уточняющих вопросов: «Что тут произошло? А чего ты хотел? А он? Как можно это исправить?»

Кричащие мамы демонстрируют, что конфликт нормально решать агрессией, поэтому их дети раз за разом повторяют такую модель. Если на вашего ребенка кричат и делают ему замечания, важно, чтобы вы выполнили свои родительские функции: защитили малыша и показали ему правильную модель общения.

Остановите взрослого фразой, приведенной выше. Отведите сына в сторону, пожалейте и вместе обсудите, как лучше действовать в таких ситуациях. Потом отпустите его назад к детям попробовать новые навыки на практике и, если у мальчика все получилось, поддержите его улыбкой и похвалой.

Источник: psychologies.ru

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