Я патологическая неряха. Это лечится?

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Не все с детства привыкли наводить порядок в доме. Возможно ли стать аккуратнее во взрослом возрасте? Отчасти секрет в наших установках, с которыми мы приступаем к уборке. На письмо читателя отвечает психотерапевт Екатерина Михайлова.

Я патологическая неряха. Это лечится?

Поддержание порядка требует от меня невероятных душевных усилий. Мама говорила: «Давай я лучше сама, а ты учись, больше толку будет». В общежитии университета я вычищала бардак только после ссор с соседками. Муж, чистюля, ругается, если на фоне общего порядка видит невымытую тарелку. А у меня маленький ребенок, я не успеваю. Как привить себе аккуратность?

Надежда, 25 лет, Уфа

Екатерина Михайлова, психотерапевт

Давайте признаем, что мама немного лукавила, советуя учиться, а не мыть посуду: она заботилась не о вас, а о себе. Дети делают домашние дела кое-как — проще прибраться самой. Правда, есть побочный эффект: ребенок растет в убеждении, что делать что-то руками не способен («руки-крюки, не тем концом приделаны»). И эта установка оказывается ловушкой: навыка нет или он вымучивается только под давлением обстоятельств.

Многие делают карьеру, зарабатывают и устраивают жизнь, чтобы и дальше не знать, как брать тряпку — это умеет домработница. Но вы, Надежда, по каким-то причинам хотите научиться. Тогда представим себе, как учат мыть посуду (чистить обувь…) по-умному. Сначала дают посмотреть, как это делается. Важно, чтобы «делающий» не страдал, а демонстрировал умение с удовольствием.

По ходу что-то объясняется: «вот так проверяем, чисто или нет, слышишь, как скрипит?» Действие разбирается на составляющие, появляются маленькие секреты: когда складываешь стопочкой, вещи занимают меньше места. Дальше надо дать попробовать — посильную порцию. Не раздражаться, хвалить даже за маленькие достижения, поддерживать, поправлять ошибки. Осталось придумать, как вам, взрослой женщине, себя переучить по этой схеме. Стоит подумать, какие «мастер-классы» могут дать подруги, заглянуть в симпатичные видео в Сети, сделать этот проект личным экспериментом.

Цель его — не чистая посуда и не похвала других людей, а важное знание о том, как себя можно поддерживать и развивать.

Источник: psychologies.ru

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