Расставание: что можно было сделать иначе?

0 / 5 (0 голосов)

Мало кому из нас удается построить отношения с единственным партнером на всю жизнь. Большинство все же проходит науку разлук. Если отношения были серьезными, то разрыв, кто бы ни был его инициатором, оставляет болезненный след в душе, а иногда становится травмой. Спустя годы мы сожалеем о совершенных ошибках. 5 историй об уроках расставаний.

Мужчина и женщина 
Развод 

Расставание: что можно было сделать иначе?

Пережив не один разрыв, мы начинаем осознавать, что в каждом из них так или иначе отзываются чувства, пережитые нами во время самого первого из них. Это может быть и тоска и, наоборот, чувство облегчения. А если разрыв оставил травму в нашей душе, оно накладывает свой отпечаток на все последующие отношения, до тех пор, пока травма не будет пережита.

Искусству строить отношения мы учимся всю жизнь, и каждая наша любовная история — источник ценного опыта. Мы не в состоянии сделать все идеально, не существует магической комбинации слов или поступков, которые стопроцентно застрахуют нас от неприятных переживаний.

Смысл отношений не в том, чтобы избегать эмоциональной боли. Наоборот, важно отдавать себе отчет в своих чувствах, какими бы они ни были. Их осмысление — это почти всегда лучший способ двигаться вперед. Пять женщин рассказывают, какие уроки они извлекли из своей первой разлуки.

«Не надо было тянуть с этим» 

Если бы я могла вернуться в то время, я бы не стала тянуть так долго и рассталась со своим бойфрендом раньше на несколько месяцев. Ведь я уже давно начала понимать, что наши отношения не продлятся долго, но продолжала цепляться за них, пока они не зашли в тупик, доставляя нам душевные страдания. Если вы осознаете, что отношения уже не исправить, то чем быстрей вы расстанетесь, тем лучше — для вас обоих.

Алиса, 23 года

«Не надо было вести себя так грубо» 

Я бы постаралась быть помягче с моим парнем. Бедняга, ему досталось. Мне настолько было трудно примириться со своими чувствами, что я не была способна просто нормально с ним поговорить, я сразу слетала с катушек и впадала в ярость.

Мария, 31 год

«Не надо было обманывать себя» 

Если бы я могла что-то изменить, я бы больше прислушивалась к себе и постаралась ускорить наше расставание. Это были первые серьезные, взрослые отношения в моей жизни, которые продолжались три года. Оглядываясь сейчас назад, я вижу, что с самого начала были признаки того, что эти отношения непрочны, и я знала это. Но для меня все это было тогда внове.

Мне нравилось, что у меня появился человек, с которым я могу встречаться, проводить ночи, да и просто валяться вместе на диване, которого можно пригласить на всякие семейные праздники. Я не хотела от этого отказываться из-за тех крошечных тревожных сигналов, которые я почувствовала уже в первые три месяца нашей связи.

В будущем я бы не хотела напрасно потратить столько времени. Ведь в итоге это делает разрыв еще более болезненным. Ты проходишь такой длинный путь рядом с кем-то, проводишь с ним больше всего времени, и когда все заканчивается, не знаешь, что делать. Того, во что ты вкладывал столько сил и энергии, больше нет, и ты чувствуешь пустоту и потерянность.

Кира, 33 года

Расставание: что можно было сделать иначе?

«Надо было искать компромисс» 

Первый в моей взрослой жизни разрыв был ужасным. Мне было 22 года, мы с бойфрендом были вместе еще со старшей школы, жили вместе уже год. Именно после этого стали отдаляться друг от друга, так со многими случается. Я помню тот момент, когда до меня дошло, что все кончено: он предпочел провести время с друзьями без меня.

Это было в день нашего разрыва. Я проиграла. Мы были вместе пять лет, и что-то во мне сломалось. Был короткий период, когда я почувствовала себя несчастной и стала отыгрываться на нем. Я ему грубила, хотя было очевидно, что это ни к чему хорошему не ведет, а потом порвала с ним.

Сегодня я бы ни за что так не поступила. Я бы постаралась подготовить его к разрыву, найти с ним компромисс, сделать так, чтобы мы оба признали, что совместная жизнь у нас не сложилась. Но увы, переиграть нельзя. В реальности он страдал и еще очень долго не мог примириться с нашим разрывом.

Вероника, 29 лет

«Не надо было прятать голову в песок» 

Я бы вела себя решительней, по крайней мере, тверже отстаивала бы свою точку зрения. Ведь я же нутром чувствовала, что дело нечисто: то ли он меня обманывает, то ли происходит еще что-то неприятное за моей спиной. Но никаких конкретных свидетельств тому не было.

Теперь я бы спросила его об этом прямо, а он наверняка бы стал уверять, что все в порядке и это плод моего богатого воображения, поскольку я, мол, чересчур тревожна. Я не решалась ссориться с ним, потому что боялась, что он меня бросит, ведь у меня не было никаких доказательств. До тех пор, пока я не добавила в друзья на Faсebook девушку, оказавшуюся его любовницей. Только тогда он признался в своей измене, подтвердив все мои подозрения разом. Я хорошо запомнила этот урок и с тех пор больше не боюсь стоять на своем, о каких бы отношениях ни шла речь.

Диана, 25 лет

Прислушиваться к интуиции, особенно когда это первый в вашей жизни серьезный роман, нормально. Хотя зачастую трудно бывает разобраться, то ли это действительно тревожные звоночки, то ли ваши личные психологические защиты, которые вы пытаетесь преодолеть. Однако мы настолько приучены игнорировать свою интуицию ради комфорта других людей, что иногда вообще ее подавляем. В сложных случаях прислушайтесь к тому, что подсказывают вам тело и внутренний голос — есть ли перспектива у ваших отношений? Это правдивые сообщения, которые в любом случае приблизят к правильным решениям.

Источник: psychologies.ru

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