Оригинальный способ борьбы с вахтерами и похожими на них людьми

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Вам когда-нибудь приходилось часами дожидаться, когда сотрудник банка соизволит до вас снизойти? Или на любые, даже самые мелкие, просьбы раз за разом выслушивать дежурное «приходите завтра»? Признайтесь — надоело же, что вас игнорируют? Оригинальный способ решить проблему придумала наш колумнист Наталия Ким. Странный, но действенный!

Человек среди людей 

Оригинальный способ борьбы с вахтерами и похожими на них людьми

Хочу поделиться одним ноу-хау. Если вы хотите чего-то добиться в сфере защиты собственных прав как потребителя — попробуйте спеть. Кому? Тем, например, кто непростительно долго решает вашу проблему. Проверено.

Не можете петь — читайте стихи, но все же со временем постарайтесь перейти на вокал и, ради всех святых, не думайте о том, есть ли у вас слух и голос или нет: если нет — даже еще лучше! «Они» сперва столбенеют, а потом начинают испытывать страшную неловкость.

Во-первых, вас примут за блаженного(ую), с каковыми на Руси все-таки было принято обращаться уважительно, во-вторых, больше всего на свете «им» будет хотеться, чтобы вы поскорее заткнулись, а сделать это будет легко, удовлетворив вашу просьбу.

Главное — максимальное дружелюбие с вашей стороны и никакой агрессии. Просто пойте о своих нуждах, и все будет.

Cобрала вокруг небольшую толпу слушателей и намеревалась уже зайти на второй круг, как технические причины сами собой испарились

Открыла я этот метод не сразу. Первый раз вообще все получилось случайно. Мне было 18 лет, я лежала в предродовой палате в ожидании появления дочки. Это все происходило в отделении патологии одного НИИ, потому что айболиты дружно решили, что у моего плода нет нижних конечностей. Вот я и лежала, как подопытный кролик, гадая: есть ноги, нет ног?..

Когда начались схватки, меня отвезли в предродовую и сказали, что еще часов 5-6 — и мы все узнаем. За одной стенкой ужасно кричала роженица, за другой отчаянно матерился ее муж. Акушерки, врачи и нянечки метались между теми стенками, а я тем временем думала, что уже больше не могу и вот-вот начну блажить от боли. Но стыдно же кричать, они и так там… заняты.

Поэтому я решила петь. Я вполголоса исполнила «Беловежскую пущу», «Марш авиаторов», потом прибавила громкости и спела песню «Битлз» «Hey Jude». Никто даже не заглянул! Когда же мне совсем поплохело, я добавила децибелов и взвыла, как Ленский: «Куда?! Куда?!?! Куууудааа выыыы удалилииись, весныыыы ооооййй моеееей златыииии, ой мамочкииии, дниии?!»

И вот это уже возымело действие — набежала толпа, я родила минут через 15, причем вокруг меня суетилось (я посчитала!) аж девять человек. Ноги, кстати, у дочери были на месте, им уже 21 год. А про меня там до сих пор, по слухам, рассказывают, ставя в пример: вот-де, не стыдно вам, у нас раз мамочка одна пела во время родов!

Оригинальный способ борьбы с вахтерами и похожими на них людьми

В следующий раз, лет пять спустя, я тоже запела от отчаяния — в Сбербанке. Неделю меня «кормили завтраками», обещая сделать распечатку со счета: мы приватизировали квартиру, и там зачем-то обязательно была нужна такая бумажка, без нее дело не двигалось. А в банке то «картридж кончился», то «система зависла», то «не знаю, я сегодня первый день с отпуска, когда, говорите, делали заявку?».

Я пришла в очередной раз и, увидев объявление «Закрыто по техническим причинам», встала под открытым окном и проорала мимо всех нот песню про «деньги-рублики-франки-фунты-стерлинги да тугрики» из незаслуженно забытого фильма «Сватовство гусара».

Cобрала вокруг небольшую толпу слушателей и намеревалась уже зайти на второй круг, как технические причины сами собой испарились, меня буквально втащили внутрь и выдали несчастный листочек-распечатку. Делов-то!..

Последние три дня я их набирала по три раза в сутки и разговаривала стихами Хармса и Барто

Тогда-то я и припомнила свои арии в роддоме и решила опробовать метод еще раз, и еще, и еще… И знаете, эта штука реально работает. Не буду кривить душой — не всегда: не у всех есть музыкальный вкус, ну и вообще попадаются просто глухие. Однако стоит попробовать.

Вот, скажем, моя машинка, разбитая «КамАЗом», уже больше месяца стоит в автосервисе. Сначала я робко звякала раз в 4-5 дней — запчастей нет, позвоним вам, девушка, всё пучком, не беспокойтесь. Осмелев, звонила через день — а, это опять вы, запчасти идут с центральных складов, мы вам позвоним, девушка, мы ж сказали.

Последние три дня я их набирала по три раза в сутки, разговаривала стихами Хармса и Барто — «Девушка! (непечатное), я канешна рад(а) вас слышать, но от ваших этих воззваний крыло левое на складу не нарисуется… не лень вам… (непечатное)»???

Вчера приехала лично, прошла, наступая на ноги удивленным мастерам (…кто ее пустил? девушка, туда нельзя!), в кузовной цех к начальнику.

Я вошла к нему, простирая руки, с фразой «Чтооооо день грядущий мне готоооовиииит?», ну и еще удалось добавить про «напрасно ловит», но тут дяденька вскочил и зашипел, перекрывая звук шлангов: «Да сколько ж можно, мне про вас уже все уши, крыло левое только осталось, его уже ПАКУЮТ ВАМ на складу!!!»

Очень хорошо, говорю, ну вот напакуют мне крыло, привезут сюда, а сколько еще потом работы-то? Пааадууу лиии яааа стрелооой пронзёооо… — «Быстро, быстро, девушка, к следующему воскресенью, я вам обещаю, не надо только вот это вот тут, я вас очень прошу!..»

Волшебная сила искусства, однако! До обещанного срока осталось всего ничего. Время пошло. Репертуар расширяется. Так что если до обещанной даты машина не будет починена, я собираюсь пробежаться по этому кузовному цеху с игрушечным мегафоном (позаимствую у детей, у них есть такой, на батарейках, который тембр голоса меняет) с песней из «Радионяни» на слова Хармса «А за Петькой ехал Васька, по дороге, по панели, ехал Васька по панели, и кричал он «ДУДУДУ!» Думаю, мне сразу отдадут машину. Новую!

Источник: psychologies.ru

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