Материнство как тюрьма: путь к свободе

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Что делать, если с рождением ребенка приходит ощущение: вы проживаете чужую жизнь, и к прежней нет возврата? Читательница поделилась историей выхода в декрет.

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Материнство как тюрьма: путь к свободе

С мужем мы познакомились и поженились еще в студенчестве и всегда знали, что у нас будут дети. После окончания института я успела поработать несколько лет, а потом врачи сообщили: если я хочу стать матерью, медлить нельзя. Они предупреждали, что это может быть непросто, и, перестав предохраняться, я думала — перед ответственным шагом у меня еще много времени. Поэтому не ожидала, что уже через два месяца тест на беременность окажется положительным.

Все вокруг были счастливы, а меня одолевали смешанные чувства. Я любила мужа и хотела от него детей, но не покидало ощущение, что все происходит помимо моей воли. Признаваться в этом мне было неловко не только семье или подругам, но даже самой себе.

У меня родилась прекрасная здоровая девочка, и я ушла с работы, которую любила, погрузившись в заботы о малышке. И чем дольше я находилась дома, тем сильнее одолевал страх, что я сдала профессиональные позиции.

Я несчастна дома, но если раньше у меня были профессиональные перспективы, то из-за сидения с детьми я их упустила

На мое место претендует кто-то более компетентный и, самое главное, избавленный от той изматывающей усталости, в которую я постоянно была погружена.

К своему стыду, я все чаще могла не сдержаться и сорвать на дочке дурное настроение. Когда пришло время выходить из декрета, я решила, что раз мы всегда хотели двух детей, то лучше родить их сейчас, пока это позволяет здоровье. Так в нашей семье появился сын, что только усугубило мое положение — я чувствовала, что проживаю не свою жизнь.

Сейчас младшему три, старшей пять, закончился мой официальный отпуск по уходу за детьми, я могла бы вернуться к работе, но мне страшно об этом думать. Мне кажется, лучше всего я могу общаться лишь на темы изготовления куличей из песка и лечения детских болезней. Если быть с собой до конца честной, приходится признать: я несчастна дома, но если раньше у меня были профессиональные перспективы, то из-за сидения с детьми я их упустила. Я оказалась в жизненном вакууме.

Материнство как тюрьма: путь к свободе

«Избегайте позиции жертвы: я обречена все делать сама» 

Вероника Степанова, психотерапевт

Часто после рождения ребенка в состояние тоски и безнадежности погружаются те, которые в свое время по каким-то причинам «спрятались» в декрете от построения карьеры, и тяжело это переживают. Героиня, скорее всего, не соблюла последовательность событий — слишком поторопилась и не успела проявить себя в профессии, которую любила. Отсюда страх снова начинать с нуля.

В таком положении женщина будет ощущать себя несчастной, пока не начнет действовать. Начинать с малого, но пусть это будут последовательные шаги по возвращению в ту профессиональную жизнь, которую вы оставили: дополнительные курсы он/оффлайн, специальная литература, работа из дома. Главное, вырваться из тисков страха, что все б потеряно и возможности упущены.

Уязвленное положение может рождать позицию жертвы: я все должна сделать сама. И хотя важно не забывать, что никто ничего вам не должен, стоит сформировать желание: я готова к тому, чтобы мне помогали. Просите о помощи и распределите роли между близкими так, чтобы сразу после рождения малыша вы могли выходить из дома. Пусть это будет лишь час, но вы должны ощутить себя отдельной личностью, за которой остается право выбора: что вы будете делать в свободное время.

По мере того как ребенок подрастает, заведите дневник, в котором все расписывается по пунктам, в вашей жизни должны быть новые впечатления, общение и спорт. И хотя малыш неизбежно будет вносить коррективы, старайтесь придерживаться плана.Запрет на радость и чувство вины всякий раз, как вы покидаете ребенка, причиняют ему только вред. Подрастая, он ощущает себя сопричастным материнской депрессии. Вы для ребенка — весь его мир. И он готов к его познанию и ощущает себя в безопасности, только если его мать довольна своей жизнью.

Материнство как тюрьма: путь к свободе

Об эксперте

Вероника Степанова, психотерапевт. Ее канал.

Источник: psychologies.ru

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