«Спешите медленно»: как не пропустить свою жизнь

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Мы с одержимостью все время куда-то спешим на работе, в семье, в отношениях. «Мне бы успеть», «ночь продержаться и день простоять», «пережить бы этот сумасшедший декабрь»… Но когда декабрь проходит, а праздники заканчиваются, мы вдруг понимаем, что январь ничем не лучше, и с трудом поспеваем за бешеным ритмом жизни, не успевая ее проживать.

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«Спешите медленно»: как не пропустить свою жизнь

Время ускоряется

«Скорей бы» — хоровая мантра нашего времени. Запевают будущие мамы: скорей бы родить, скорей бы домой выписали. Подхватывает родительский хор: скорей бы уж он сидеть научился, ходить сам начал, в садик пошел, школу закончил, поступил, за ум взялся, на работу устроился, женился. Детские и подростковые голоса выводят партию: скорей бы последний урок, конец четверти, каникулы, лето. А вот уверенно и мощно с тяжкими вздохами и легким матерком на бэк-вокале звучит многоголосый хор работников: скорей бы обед, скорей бы домой. Мне бы этот день (отчет, встречу, мероприятие) пережить. Скорей бы пятница, отпуск, пенсия.

И вот летим сквозь календарь скоростным экспрессом. Разогнались так, что вокруг сплошное мелькание, различить что-то уже невозможно. И мы не замечаем уже не то что капли росы, цвета осени, нежность в душе или печаль в чьих-то глазах, но даже и светофоры, станции, города, континенты, да и жизнь свою, собственно, промахиваем. Летим к высокой своей цели, только вот к какой?

Останавливаться категорически нельзя, потому что весь успешный мир тут же умчится вперед, освоит, покорит, добьется

И вдруг тревога и сомнения закрадываются: «А зачем все это?» Ну, то есть, слова-то в ответ по инерции находятся. Но они звучат, а на вопрос не отвечают. И тогда подступает страх, растерянность, пустота, разочарование: «Мне вообще куда надо-то? Ведь не на погост же я так тороплюсь».

Время уплотняется

Теперь даже школьники знают термин «тайм-менеджмент». Мы умудряемся делать 10 дел одновременно. При этом параллельно разговариваем по одному телефону, набираем сообщение на другом, глотаем кофе, собираем вещи в командировку, насыпаем корм кошке и жестами поторапливаем ребенка в школу. Если мы делаем одновременно всего два дела, то кажемся себе нерасторопными тюфяками и копушами. А останавливаться нельзя, потому что весь успешный мир тут же умчится вперед, освоит, покорит, добьется, и мы никогда уже не успеем, не догоним, не достигнем, отстанем раз и навсегда.

«Спешите медленно»: как не пропустить свою жизнь

Время замедляется, расширяется и наполняется

Festina lente — латинская поговорка, в переводе означающая «поспешай медленно». Это изречение я впервые услышала от своего деда, потом столкнулась с ним в медицинском институте, когда учила латынь. И никак не могла понять, что это значит. И, наверное, и дальше бы не понимала, если бы не пошла учиться на гештальт-терапевта. С самых первых встреч здесь учат замедляться и слышать себя, свои чувства, эмоции, ощущения. Отработав 20 лет в «биг фарме» на предельных и беспредельных скоростях, я поначалу сопротивлялась. Закипала, злилась, ждала, когда мы уже наконец займемся делом, поставим цели по SMART, запишем в тетрадках все смыслы по пунктам и помчимся осваивать этот самый gestalt.

Сейчас позади три года учебы. Не думайте только, что теперь я такая умница, познавшая дзен. Но замедляясь, стала видеть, слышать, замечать гораздо больше. Я как будто очнулась от многолетнего летаргического сна, обморока или наркоза. Жизнь стала приобретать большую ценность и вкус.

Энергия жизни не расходуется больше вхолостую на поддержание ненужного хаоса, на поиск ответов в засоренном эфире мозга

Стала различать, где мои желания, а где чужие шаблоны и установки социума, обнаружила в себе то, о чем не подозревала. Прекратила себя пилить по любому поводу, почувствовала себя спокойно и устойчиво, поверила в себя, стала себе интересна, разрешила себе быть собой. Это похоже на генеральную уборку, когда ты очень критично, с пристрастием оцениваешь каждую обнаруженную вещь и принимаешь решение, твоя она или чужая, нужна она тебе или нет, хранить ее или выкинуть. И тогда исчезает суета и суматоха, энергия жизни не расходуется больше вхолостую на поддержание ненужного хаоса и напряжения, на поиск ответов в засоренном эфире мозга. Появляется ощущение свободы, ясности и легкости.

В такой обстановке чистоты и порядка легче замечать свои эмоции и чувства, принимать решения. Спокойнее начинает восприниматься то, что выводило из себя, появляется желание проживать каждый день и миг жизни внимательно, осознанно, бережно, в унисон с истинными желаниями и ценностями, с удовольствием, радостью, со вкусом. И если начинаю разгоняться, повторяю себе: «Festina lente! Спеши медленно!»

«Спешите медленно»: как не пропустить свою жизнь

Об авторе

Александра Капитонова, врач, гештальт-терапевт. Ее Instagram.

Источник: psychologies.ru

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