Почему я умная, а живу как дура: вся правда о женских тренингах

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Стать богиней и воссоединиться со своей космической женской природой — звучит вдохновляюще. Или пугающе? В чем прелесть и опасность массового увлечения женскими тренингами и стоит ли бить тревогу мужчинам?

Почему я умная, а живу как дура: вся правда о женских тренингах

Несколько месяцев назад мне позвонил друг и попросил помочь спасти его девушку, которая якобы попала в секту. Мы встретились, и он рассказа печальную историю: она уже 8 месяцев ходит на женские тренинги, как на работу. «Мне кажется, что я могу сразу отдавать часть своей зарплаты ее тренеру, а скоро буду отдавать и всю зарплату. Последней каплей стало то, что она записалась на тренинг «Как найти мужчину мечты». А разве я не тот мужчина?»

Как это работает?

«Как привлечь мужчину», «секреты обольщения», «воронки женской силы», «укрепление отношений с помощью техник орального секса», «брак с миллионером» — эти популярные тренинги посещают тысячи женщин. Они ждут чуда и волшебной трансформации за 21 день из унылой домохозяйки в соблазнительницу.

Тренинги создают особую атмосферу, погружают в сказку. Тренера называют волшебником, гуру, феей, зажигают свечи и благовония, включают приятную музыку.

«Повседневная жизнь женщины достаточно проста: она состоит из работы, ухода за собой и детьми, какого-то досуга, — говорит психотерапевт Ирина Винник. — Волшебства в жизни мало, и когда возникает какая-то проблема, она понимает, что решить ее внутри повседневности будет трудно. На помощь ей приходит этот фантазийный мир, где все женщины прекрасны, понимают друг друга и знают особые секреты и техники. Возникает иллюзия, что это то, чего ей не хватало. Часто у женщин не срабатывает критическое мышление. И тогда это работает как секта».

Участие в тренинге дает чувство возбужденности, лихорадочности, и чем больше людей в группе, тем сильнее эффект. Тренер воспринимается как мудрый наставник, как мать или отец, который научит, как надо, которому можно доверять. Участники рассказывают, как сильно изменилась их жизнь после общения с наставником, как обрели счастье, вышли замуж, завели ребенка, стали уверенными и успешными.

В группу риска попадают женщины с инфантильным отношением к жизни

«Это остатки детского, мифологического сознания — вера в то, что нам дадут волшебную палочку, одним взмахом которой мы перенесемся в сказочный мир, — говорит эксперт. — Инфантильным женщинам свойственно искать быстрые решения: учиться разговаривать с мужем долго, прокачивать себя как личность трудно, брать ответственность за свою жизнь страшно. Это может быть женщина любого возраста, сознание которой застряло в состоянии ребенка».

Вместо реальных действий тренинги для женщин предоставляют некие магические ритуалы, пройдя через которые участница станет Афродитой в современном обличьи. Вас призывают стать другим человеком, похожим на всех остальных в группе, вы слышите заученные фразы. Но зачем обществу одинаковые женщины, в которых нет спонтанности и искренности?

Ирина Винник советует вместо тренингов по трансформации в чудо-женщину посещать полезные тренинги и семинары по саморазвитию. «Среди полезных женских тренингов могу отметить обучение интимной гимнастике: это важно и для физиологии, в том числе для улучшения кровообращения органов малого таза, и для решения послеродовых проблем, и для подготовки к родам. Это вполне конкретный комплекс упражнений, ежедневных тренировок, и для достижения результатов потребуются усилия и время.

И это не значит, что женская энергия будет работать магическим образом, что вы станете королевой секса или решите все проблемы с мужчиной. Просто интимные мышцы и женское здоровье будут в порядке: через улучшение кровообращения возможны и усиление чувствительности, и рост удовольствия от секса».

В чем опасность?

Мало кто из организаторов предупреждает о противопоказаниях и возможных негативных последствиях. Частый пример: девушка пришла на встреч, и под давлением тренера, который часто выбирает себе так называемую жертву, наговорила о себе много личного. Придя домой, она испытывает глубокое чувство вины за эту откровенность — психологически она не была к ней готова. Или испытывает чувство стыда, разочарование.

Любой тренинг нужно рассматривать как обучение, а оно не может быть быстрым

Нужно учитывать особенность своей нервной деятельности и ответить на вопрос: что я жду от этого тренинга, каких результатов должна добиться? Если вам кажется, что что-то пошло не так: вам неприятен тренер, он давит на вас, атмосфера в группе слишком странная, смело вставайте и уходите.

Посещать тренинги и развиваться очень хорошо, они действительно могут изменить жизнь, но на это уйдут годы. Обещания сделать вас счастливой за 3 дня и найти мужа-миллионера — история из разряда колдунов и магов. Любой тренинг нужно рассматривать как обучение, а оно не может быть быстрым. Например, средняя психотерапевтическая группа длится шесть месяцев. А после нее следуют годы работы над собой. Тогда можно можно действительно стать другим человеком, найти себя, призвание и создать счастливую семью.

Почему я умная, а живу как дура: вся правда о женских тренингах

Об эксперте

Ирина Винник — психотерапевт, гештальт-терапевт, сексолог. Подробнее на ее сайте.

Источник: psychologies.ru

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