Как перестать искать в мужчине отца

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Отец играет важную роль в жизни девочки. Отношения с ним во многом определяют будущие отношения с мужчинами. Как это ни удивительно, но сложно может быть и тем, кто отца почти не знал, и тем, кто считал себя «папиной дочкой». Психолог София Еникеева рассказывает, как взрослой женщине изменить негативный сценарий и найти равного партнера, а не родителя.

Мужчина и женщина 

Как перестать искать в мужчине отца

— У меня всегда так: как влюбляюсь в мужчину, так оказывается, что он уже женат, в гражданском браке или влюблен в кого-то. И ведь до этого сам же ходил, приглашал… Потом я думаю: «Ну и ладно», тогда он начинает мне объясняется в любви, а мне уже ничего не нужно. Поздно, надо было раньше, когда и я его любила.

— Скажите, что значит оказывается? Вы чувствуете, что влюбились, и спрашиваете, свободен ли он?

— Нет, не так. Я понимаю, что мне человек уже не безразличен, начинаю нервничать, потому что у меня всегда одно и то же. Как будто я проклята. И вот чувствую, что если бы он меня любил, то тогда уделял бы мне все свободное время, писал бы все время, заботился обо мне. Спрашивал, может, мне в чем-то нужна поддержка, интересовался, как настроение. Если он так не делает, значит, у него другая, с которой именно так.

Клиентка, красивая, умная, обаятельная девушка вдруг на глазах превращается в съежившуюся в комок маленькую девочку, которую хочется обнять и успокоить.

Прошлое не изменить, но можно изменить нечто во внутренней реальности

— Скажите, а вы с отцом продолжаете общаться?

— Да, конечно. Я вообще папина дочка.

— У вас всегда были хорошие отношения?

— В детстве да, я росла в полной семье. Папа со мной играл, занимался.

— Здорово! Значит, у вас была дружная семья?

— Нет, с мамой отношения всегда были ужасные. Она говорила мне гадости, обзывала, считала уродиной и все у меня забирала. Помню, папа из командировок привозил всякие красивые вещи, и все самое лучшее всегда доставалось ей. Все, что мне тоже хотелось.

— Вам, наверное, было обидно, ведь отец так вас любил, а все самое лучшее доставалось почему-то матери.

— Да… Вы знаете, мне недавно приснился сон. Мы сидим вдвоем с папой, нам вместе так хорошо, и он говорит: «Здорово, что мы вдвоем, сейчас телевизор посмотрим и мороженое твое любимое съедим, которое мама запрещает». Во сне я знаю, что они с матерью поссорились, думаю, что мы так и будем теперь с ним только вдвоем. Вдруг она заходит вся такая нарядная, довольная, и он с ней уходит, а я остаюсь сидеть одна с этим мороженым. Плачу и просыпаюсь.

Похоже, клиентка повторяет сценарий с отцом и другой женщиной, то есть матерью. Классический комплекс Электры. Как влюбляется, так партнер автоматом становится на место отца, запускается старая пластинка. Но если я сейчас ей прямо так и скажу, она ведь не поверит. Даже если и поверит, то все равно ей это не поможет. Попробуем по-другому.

Как перестать искать в мужчине отца

— Знаете, есть мнение, что отношения с партнерами часто похожи на детские отношения с родителями. Бывает, что со стороны кажется, что у ребенка было все: любовь, путешествия, вещи, развлечения, а он вспоминает из детства одни обиды. А бывает с точностью да наоборот. Главное, что прошлое не изменить, но можно изменить нечто во внутренней реальности, тогда вокруг все тоже начнет меняться. Идите домой и напишите письмо отцу, а потом отправьте его мне на электронную почту. На встрече обсудим.

Через несколько дней я прочла письмо клиентки.

Письмо отцу 

«Здравствуй, папа. Я тебя люблю. Для меня никогда даже не стоял вопрос о том, кого я больше люблю: маму или папу. Конечно, тебя. Ты придумал мое имя, веселил меня и друзей, сочинял стихи на дни рождения и привозил красивые подарки из-за границы. До сих пор в каждом партнере я ищу и не нахожу тебя. Того прекрасного, веселого, доброго и сильного мужчину, который был у меня в детстве. Спасибо психоанализу, теперь я знаю, что никогда и не найду.

Почему я до сих пор плачу, думая о тебе? Ведь ты здоров, мы живем недалеко друг от друга и даже общаемся иногда. Почему, когда мы с тобой видимся, мне нечего сказать тебе? Почему мы прожили все детство вместе, но тебя почти не было рядом? Почему теперь у меня нет на тебя времени, хотя на самом деле есть? Почему эти и еще сто тысяч вопросов я пишу в письме своему психотерапевту, а не задаю их тебе?

Знаешь, это ничего. Раз я пишу тебе, значит, мы с тобой можем говорить. Не так, как в детстве, потому что сейчас я нужна тебе больше, чем ты мне (или это иллюзия такая?). Может быть, когда-то я скажу тебе: «Папа, я люблю тебя и всегда любила. Я знаю, что ты тоже всегда меня очень любил и любишь. Я твоя папина дочка, которая так же, как ты, долго не могла сказать о своих чувствах». Ты мне ответишь: «Доченька, я тоже тебя люблю».

Что меняется, когда женщина перестает искать отца 

Поменялось ли что-то в сценарии клиентки? Да, хоть и не сразу. Мы еще много над чем работали, но этот аспект отношений с мужчинами сильно изменился. Например:

  • Наладились отношения с отцом. После длительного перерыва она смогла заново начать с ним общаться. Без претензий, боли и ожиданий. Это было важным шагом, потому что она почувствовала, что любящий родитель у нее всегда был и есть, соревноваться за его любовь не надо.
  • Любви может быть много. Сталкивались ли вы с людьми, которые не могут выносить, когда при них кому-то говорят комплимент, выражают сочувствие или еще как-то проявляют внимание? Уверена, что да. Этим повзрослевшим (но так и не выросшим) детям кажется, что есть такой маленький мешок, в котором хранится всего пару комплиментов, немного ласки и сочувствия, и, конечно, всем не хватит. Такая психология — «в большой семье клювом не щелкай». Клиентка избавилась от этой идеи, когда поняла, что отец любил мать как женщину и жену, а ее — как дочь. И вещи, которые он привозил из командировки в подарок жене, все равно бы маленькой девочке не подошли. Для нее в мешке с подарками всегда было много чего другого, но память эту часть реальности вытеснила.
  • Отношения с мужчиной, а не с отцом. Клиентка перестала ждать от мужчин, что они будут о ней заботиться, как о маленькой девочке. Она перестала думать, что любовь — это только забота. Оказалось, что у любви также много разных форм, как названий снега у эскимосов. Более того, ей стали нравиться свободные мужчины, фантом мамы-соперницы постепенно исчез из ее головы, а потом и из жизни.
  • Важно, что в прошлом клиентки ничего не изменилось, а изменения во внутренней реальности существенно повлияли на ее сценарий. Даже если вы не знали или изредка видели отца, психотерапевтическая работа с его фигурой может многое изменить в жизни. Самостоятельно вы можете начать с письма. Одного, второго, третьего, когда вытрете слезы, солнце начнет появляться из-за туч и в вашей жизни.

    Как перестать искать в мужчине отца

    Об авторе

    София Еникеева — психолог, член Ассоциации психоаналитического коучинга, член благотворительного проекта по психологической помощи химически зависимым. Ее сайт.

    Источник: psychologies.ru

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