Как одолеть раздражительность и научиться выдержке

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Терпеливость — редкая добродетель в наши дни. У нас слишком много обязанностей и ни на что не хватает времени. Неудивительно, что любая мелочь способна вывести из себя. Можно ли научиться реагировать на повседневные неурядицы спокойно, сохраняя самообладание? Вот что рекомендуют специалисты.

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Как одолеть раздражительность и научиться выдержке

Каждый раз, когда зависает компьютер, мы чувствуем, как у нас сжимаются челюсти. Мы ворчим и вздыхаем, стоя в очереди в кофейне. Начинаем ругаться и барабанить по рулю. Нам стыдно, что мы так легко теряем самообладание из-за мелочей.

Терпение — умение сохранять спокойствие перед лицом неприятностей, разочарований и страданий — стоит развивать. Исследования показывают, что терпеливые люди более здоровы и меньше подвержены депрессиям и негативным эмоциям. Они также в среднем менее эгоистичны и лучше умеют сопереживать другим.

В исследовании 2012 года ученые выделили три вида терпения:

  • Умение терпеть общение с неприятными людьми.
  • Умение выносить жизненные тяготы и всегда находить в плохом хоть что-то хорошее.
  • Умение терпеть повседневные мелкие неприятности, не раздражаясь из-за пустяков.
  • К счастью, специалисты выяснили, что выдержку можно развивать. Что надо сделать, чтобы меньше переживать по пустякам.

    Угрожает ли вам тигр?

    На ситуацию опасности организм отвечает реакцией «бей или беги». «Раздражение — один из вариантов ответа «бей», — объясняет М. Дж. Райан, автор книги «Сила терпения». — Вот почему мы срываемся и начинаем кричать на продавщицу или сходим с ума в длинной очереди». Эта реакция в древние времена спасала предков от свирепых хищников, но в большинстве случаев она не актуальна для современных условий жизни.

    Миндалевидное тело не способно отличить реальную опасность от неприятной ситуации

    Однако мы зачастую реагируем на незначительные затруднения так, будто нам угрожают катастрофические последствия. «Виновато» в этом миндалевидное тело — область мозга, отвечающая за распознавание угроз и регуляцию эмоций.

    «Миндалевидное тело «простодушно», оно не способно отличить реальную опасность (скажем, угрозу от нападения тигра) от неприятной ситуации, которая никак не угрожает жизни (например, взаимодействие с назойливым человеком)», — рассказывает автор. Если мы хотим лучше владеть собой, наша задача — научиться видеть это различие.

    Задумайтесь, есть ли смысл переживать

    «Скорее всего, какие-то ваши слова самому себе, или образ, или ощущение в теле включают чувство, что вы в опасности», — говорит Райан. Как только вы мысленно сформулируете проблему — например, «я не могу столько стоять в этой очереди!» — сможете прервать стрессовую реакцию «бей или беги». Скажем, вас приводит в бешенство долгое стояние в пробке — вы можете повторять мантру: «Я сейчас никуда не спешу». Если злитесь, когда долго ищете место для парковки, говорите себе: «Ничего, я найду, где припарковаться».

    Идея в том, чтобы посмотреть на ситуацию со стороны и как можно более объективно. Действительно ли стоять в длинной очереди неприятно? Безусловно. Но ведь ясно, что рано или поздно вы ее пройдете и забудете навсегда об этом эпизоде.

    Как одолеть раздражительность и научиться выдержке

    Кроме того, можно представить худший вариант развития событий. Допустим, вам придется проторчать в очереди в банке лишних 20 минут. Каковы будут последствия для вас? Похоже ли это на дилемму «жизнь или смерть»? Практически всегда ответ будет «нет».

    Учитесь смотреть на ситуацию шире

    Сара Шниткер, доцент факультета психологии и нейронаук Университета Бейлор, советует использовать технику осознанной переоценки. Смысл в том, чтобы изменить взгляд на раздражающую ситуацию. Например, вас вывел из себя придирчивый коллега. Не застревайте на этой эмоции, а постарайтесь вспомнить случаи, когда вы сами злили других.

    «Это поможет отнестись к коллеге снисходительно, — говорит Сара. — Можете напомнить себе: «О, эта ситуация поможет моему личностному росту!»

    Вторая техника, которую она рекомендует, это смена фокуса внимания. Посмотрите на ситуацию шире. Спросите себя: как в данном случае выдержка и терпение согласуются с моими ценностями? «Например, если бы ко мне обратился родитель, у которого не ладятся отношения с ребенком, я бы попросила его рассмотреть эту ситуацию в более широком контексте. Задуматься, почему он считает важной для себя роль родителя? Какое место эта роль занимает в его жизни?».

    Не обольщайтесь, думая, что сумеете сразу справиться с раздражительностью

    Когда мы понимаем, как терпеливость вписывается в эту более широкую картину ценностей, нам легче сохранять выдержку в повседневных ситуациях и формировать новый шаблон поведения, объясняет Шниткер.

    Не ждите быстрых результатов

    Не обольщайтесь, думая, что сумеете сразу справиться с раздражительностью, предупреждает Сара Шниткер. Вас ждет разочарование. Невозможно без серьезной подготовки пробежать марафон.

    Перестройка шаблонов поведения требует тренировок. Лучше всего учиться выдержке на простых, обыденных ситуациях, когда ставки для вас не столь высоки.

    Пересмотрите привычки

    Теперь, зная свои триггеры и стараясь избегать ловушки «бей или беги», вы можете осознанно исключать или смягчать некоторые стрессовые ситуации в жизни.

    Например, если вы всегда заводитесь от стояния в очереди, скачайте на телефон игру, в которая скрасит долгое ожидание. Если вас бесят пробки, выезжайте на деловую встречу с большим запасом времени. Если раздражают толпы людей в магазинах, ходите за покупками в менее популярные часы.

    Будьте реалистами

    «Иногда мы переоцениваем возможности, не задумываясь, сколько времени потребуется на то или иное дело, — говорит клинический социальный работник Недра Гловер Таваб. — Очень важно ставить реалистичные цели с учетом того, сколько дел можно на самом деле успеть в какой-то отрезок времени».

    Так что, если в вашем списке дел на завтра 10 пунктов, но реально за день можно выполнить только пять, значит, вы заведомо готовите себе провал. Если день распланирован до минуты, то из-за любой заминки вы можете слететь с катушек. «Я не могу ускорить течение времени, не могу заставить других людей ускориться, — резюмирует Таваб. — Есть то, что не зависит от меня. По сути, единственное, чем могу управлять, это собой».

    Источник: nytimes.com

    Источник: psychologies.ru

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