Как научиться принимать помощь

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Чем рискуют люди, которые отвергают помощь, и как научиться принимать сочувствие со стороны других, объясняет преподаватель «науки о счастье» Эмилиана Саймон-Томас.

Как научиться принимать помощь

Недавно было опубликовано исследование о том, как страх сочувствия влияет на поведение людей в тяжелые времена. Ученые опросили 85 студенток крупного канадского университета. Оказалось, что те, кто боятся сочувствия, редко делятся с друзьями и родными тем, что с ними происходит.

И это серьезная проблема: социальная поддержка помогает нам справляться с трудностями и восстанавливаться после них. Исследование в США выявило, что недостаток социальной поддержки увеличивает подверженность психическим расстройствам и угрожает физическому здоровью больше, чем длительное курение. Друзья и родственники также защищают нас от избыточной самокритики. Они напоминают, что мы в безопасности, мы важны и у нас все впереди — это необходимо для преодоления трудной ситуации.

Другое исследование показало: люди, которые боятся стать объектом сочувствия, часто подавляют эмоции. Эта привычка чревата возникновением сердечно-сосудистых заболеваний и развитием алекситимии — трудности в распознавании собственных и чужих эмоций.

Согласно современным социально-культурным идеям, мы должны быть стойкими и самодостаточными

Почему же некоторые из нас отвергают сочувствие? Они беспокоятся, что другой человек не поддержит их, проигнорирует или сочтет проблему несерьезной. Часто корни этого можно найти в детстве: родители могли игнорировать ребенка, грубо с ним обращаться, не помогать ему. Кроме того, согласно современным социально-культурным идеям, мы должны быть стойкими и самодостаточными. Принять сочувствие — значит признать уязвимость.

Некоторые из нас вообще не склонны обсуждать ситуации, в которых чувствовали себя униженными или побежденными. Они воспринимают их как доказательства полного провала и боятся, что, поделившись личными проблемами, будут чувствовать себя только хуже.

Как научиться принимать помощь

Исцеляющая сила самосострадания

Наиболее эффективный способ избавиться от страха сочувствия — стать более добрым к себе. В рамках эксперимента, проведенного журналом Mindfulness, исследователи разделили участников на три группы и дали задание — на протяжении 10 минут писать о событиях, которые они вспоминают как постыдные или унизительные.

Первой группе ученые дали инструкцию анализировать опыт с позиции самосострадания: смотреть на эти ситуации глазами внешнего наблюдателя и относиться к себе с доброй и поддержкой — так, как отнеслись бы к близкому другу. Второй группе сказали в процессе написания думать о своей самооценке. Третья группа просто описывала свой опыт.

Участники оценивали, насколько грустными и подавленными чувствовали себя до и после этого упражнения. Те, кто практиковал самосострадание, после эксперимента почувствовали себя лучше. Письмо с акцентом на самосострадание снизило негативные эмоции даже у тех участников, которые боялись сочувствия. Две другие группы не показали подобных изменений.

Сочувствие щедро вознаграждает того, что его дарит

После первого задания участников попросили написать еще одно письмо о своем тяжелом опыте. Испытуемым было сказано, что им придется объединиться в пары, обменяться письмами и обсудить их содержимое. Прежде чем приступить к написанию, участники оценили, насколько для них опасно делиться своей историей. Чем более напуганным был участник, тем больше его страшила перспектива написать и показать письмо. Однако в группе, где практиковали самосострадание, эта связь практически не прослеживалась.

«Самосострадание повышает уверенность в себе и укрепляет чувство связи с другими, — отметили исследователи. — Эта практика помогла участникам почувствовать себя в безопасности и снизить остроту угрозы, что позволило им больше доверять другим и идти с ними на откровенность».

Если вы хотите избавиться от страха сочувствия и научиться принимать помощь, начните сострадать другим. Сочувствие щедро вознаграждает того, что его дарит, так что это навык, который определенно стоит развивать.

Источник: Greater Good Magazine.

Как научиться принимать помощь

Об авторе

Эмилиана Саймон-Томас (Emiliana Simon-Thomas) — преподаватель «науки о счастье», директор по научной работе Научного центра развития доброты при Калифорнийском университете в Беркли.

Источник: psychologies.ru

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