Должны ли мы любить всех и каждого?

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Мы каждый день встречаем людей, которые не нравятся, с некоторыми вынуждены общаться постоянно. Стоит ли пытаться «пересилить» себя и начать хорошо относиться к тем, кто вызывает раздражение: вечно недовольным ворчунам, неблагодарным, завистливым? Возможно ли это сделать? Нет и не нужно, считает психолог Кароль Брекман, и предлагает альтернативный путь.

Человек среди людей 

Должны ли мы любить всех и каждого?

В жизни каждого встречаются люди, которых мы не можем выносить, которые «сидят в печенках». Действительно ли мы несем крест обязательной любви к каждому?

Ответ: не обязаны любить всех, потому что это невыполнимая миссия. Мы обычные люди, со своими страстями и недостатками. У всех есть свои предпочтения. Что было бы разумно, так это постараться умерить свои страсти и раздражение в отношении некоторых людей, успокоить сердце.

Если сумеете выработать нейтральное отношение к так называемым врагам, это уже будет большим шагом вперед. Как следствие, в жизни произойдут хорошие перемены.

Прежде всего, чтобы побороть раздражение и агрессию, нужно их признать. Как часто мы загоняем внутрь гнев, злобу, отторжение? Особенно если речь идет о близких людях или о семье. Не будем скрывать, что в социуме не принято «блистать» заявлениями вроде «я терпеть не могу свою мать» или «у меня отвратительные отношения с братом».

Попробуйте для начала в этом признаться самому себе, и результат не заставит себя ждать. Например, произнесите про себя фразу: «Я не люблю свою сестру» и прислушайтесь к себе. Ну что, произнесли? Небеса на вас не обрушились при этом? Скорее всего, вы почувствовали некое умиротворение, признавшись в этой нелюбви самому себе.

Затем исследуйте спокойно ваши раздражение и нелюбовь. Может быть, то, что вас не устраивает в вашей сестре, это на самом деле один из ваших грехов или недостатков? Она любит все держать под контролем? А вас саму не называют ли командиром в юбке? Нет ли тут эффекта зеркала?

Может быть, ваша враждебность к кому-то объясняется детской травмой и мнимый противник не имеет к ней никакого отношения?

Я приглашаю вас к самоисследованию, которое поможет вам простить другим их недостатки. Следующий шаг в такой интроспекции — постараться понять: а может, вы ошиблись эмоцией или не на того ее направляете ? Может быть, за вашей злостью прячется грусть или страх? А что, если вы «подцепили» чью-то ярость, ею заразились и бумерангом ее возвращаете?

Например, мой самый «воинственный» период в прошлом был связан с вынужденным нахождением в одной комнате с агрессивным недовольным коллегой. В то время я еще не осознавала, что просто резонировала.

А может быть, ваша враждебность к кому-то объясняется детской травмой и мнимый противник не имеет к ней никакого отношения? Проверьте, такой самоанализ обязательно пойдет на пользу. Смягчить отношение к нелюбимому человеку должен помочь и другой прием. Представьте, что ваш «враг» ранен в прямом или переносном смысле слова, что ему плохо, больно, и именно это — причина его фонтанирующей агрессии в ваш адрес.

Когда кто-то меня пытается обидеть, уязвить, подколоть, мне очень помогает одна фраза: и его любит Бог, и в нем есть частичка божественного. И — о чудо! — мое восприятие этого человека начинает меняться.

Если вы не верующий человек, то думайте о солнце. Это щедрое светило свои лучи распределяет одинаково для всех. Солнце, самое демократичное и доброе из всех светил, одаривает нас всех в равной мере, не делит на хороших и плохих. Возможно, нам стоило бы у него поучиться.

Должны ли мы любить всех и каждого?

Об авторе

Кароль Брекман — психолог. Ее сайт.

Источник: psychologies.ru

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