Что нужно уметь в 18 лет?

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Совершеннолетие — можно ли сказать, что с этого момента человек автоматически становится взрослым? Какие навыки и умения говорят о том, что наш ребенок наконец-то вырос?

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Что нужно уметь в 18 лет?

Писательница Джулия Литкотт-Хэймс десять лет проработала деканом первокурсников Стэнфордского университета и точно знает, что должен уметь человек в 18 лет.

1. Разговаривать с незнакомыми людьми — преподавателями, деканами, кураторами, домовладельцами, продавцами в магазине, сотрудниками отдела кадров, коллегами по работе, операционистами в банке, медицинскими работниками, водителями, слесарями — со всеми, с кем ему придется иметь дело в реальном мире.

Мы приучаем детей не разговаривать с незнакомыми людьми, вместо того чтобы помочь им различать плохих незнакомцев и хороших (которых гораздо больше). В результате тинейджер просто не знает, как идти на контакт с чужим человеком. Ему может быть трудно, проявляя уважение, попросить совета, помощи или руководства, которое ему рано или поздно потребуется.

2. Ориентироваться на местности: найти дорогу и на территории своего университета, в том районе, где проходит летнюю практику, в городе, где работает или учится — в том числе, за границей.

Мы стараемся подвозить детей везде, где только возможно, даже если они спокойно могут добраться туда сами на автобусе, велосипеде или пешком. В итоге они не умеют находить дорогу самостоятельно, выбирать и комбинировать виды транспорта и способы передвижения. Они не знают, как и когда пора дозаправить машину, как прокладывать маршрут.

3. Справляться со своими учебными обязанностями и выполнять заданный объем работы к указанному сроку.

Мы то и дело напоминаем детям, что пора садиться за домашнюю работу, — иногда помогаем ее сделать, а иногда делаем за них. Получается, что сами они не очень умеют расставлять приоритеты и распределять нагрузку так, чтобы успевать сделать все, что задано, вовремя и без напоминаний.

4. Участвовать в домашних делах

Мы редко просим детей помогать по дому, поскольку у них обычно очень плотное расписание: учебная программа и внешкольные занятия оставляют мало времени на что-либо еще. Результат? Они не способны ни позаботиться о своих потребностях, ни сделать что-то полезное на благо тех, с кем живут рядом.

5. Решать проблемы, возникающие в отношениях

Мы вмешиваемся, когда надо рассеять недоразумение, урегулировать конфликт, успокоить, выслушать, пожалеть, восстановить справедливость…

Те, кто живут только за счет родителей, плохо знают цену вещам

В итоге дети не знают, как разрешить разногласие, загладить вину, найти выход из спорной ситуации без нашего вмешательства.

6. Адекватно реагировать на свои успехи и поражения, быть готовым к конкуренции, к жесткой манере учителей и тяжелому характеру руководителей.

Мы всегда готовы подставить подростку плечо и помочь, когда что-то у него идет не так: договориться с учителем о продлении срока сдачи проекта, заступиться за него перед взрослыми. Но поймет ли он в таком случае, что в жизни не всегда все будет именно так, как он захочет?

7. Зарабатывать деньги и распоряжаться ими

Если молодой человек не подрабатывает и получает от нас деньги на все, что ему требуется, у него не формируется чувство ответственности за работу, которую надо сделать. Он не чувствует также ответственность и перед руководителем, который не обязательно должен ему симпатизировать и проявлять снисхождение. Те, кто живут только за счет родителей, плохо знают цену вещам и не способны оценить ваших усилий.

8. Рисковать

Мы расписали для них всю дальнейшую жизнь, успешно предусмотрев все подводные камни и возможные препятствия. Откуда же им знать, что опыт — «сын ошибок трудных», и что успех — исключительно результат попыток добиться чего-то, пережитых неудач и новых попыток? И что неуязвимость и стойкость приходит тогда, когда сам исправляешь допущенные промахи?

Дети должны уметь делать все эти вещи, не названивая родителям по телефону. Если они звонят, чтобы спросить, как это сделать, значит, у них пока нет этого жизненного навыка.

Источник: книга Джулии Литкотт-Хэймс «Как вырастить взрослого» («How to Raise an Adult», Henry Holt & Co., 2015)

Джулия Литкотт-Хэймс — юрист, писатель, десять лет работала деканом первокурсников в Стэнфордском университете, мать двоих детей-тинейджеров.

Источник: psychologies.ru

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