5 способов скорректировать поведение подростка

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Подростковый период пугает практически всех родителей. Именно в это время наступает один из кризисов, когда кардинально меняется вектор развития человека. От того, насколько положительно подросток его преодолеет, будет зависеть, правильно ли сформируется будущая взрослая личность. Психолог Наталья Полетаева рассказывает, как родителям помочь ребенку пережить переходный возраст.

Родителям 

5 способов скорректировать поведение подростка

Когда ребенок перестает слушаться, грубит и спорит, близкие люди начинают удивляться: «Что же произошло с милым чадом, как все исправить и вернуть нашего ангела?» На самом деле желание быть независимым, обостренное чувство собственности, ревность, обесценивание мнения взрослых, перепады настроения — абсолютно нормальное и закономерное развитие событий. Даже можно сказать, что слишком послушный, привязанный к родителям, пытающийся впасть в детство подросток и есть отклонение.

Но как пережить этот период? Как корректировать поведение ребенка или вовсе стоит оставить все, как есть? Ответ на этот вопрос кроется в грамотно выстроенной коммуникации. Другими словами, правильно общаясь с подростком, вы избежите многих проблем пубертатного периода.

5 правил успешной коммуникации с ребенком

Можно выделить ряд принципов, которыми необходимо руководствоваться при общении с подростком. Вместе они составляют свод правил, соблюдение которых укрепит отношения в семье, поможет ребенку почувствовать себя любимым, понятым. Эти рекомендации позволят ему выстроить доверительное общение с близкими взрослыми, а значит, защитят от совершения глупостей. Самые страшные негативные последствия отрицательного прохождения кризиса в виде депрессий, алкоголизма, наркомании и связей с «плохой компанией» его минуют.

Правило № 1. Правильные привычки

Необходимо обеспечить атмосферу, которая позволит ему вырасти не только психологически, но и физически здоровым. Дети в этот период особенно болезненно относятся к внешности, и дело не только в желании общаться с противоположным полом. Взрослые должны понимать, что сейчас их ребенок меняется, он растет с невероятной скоростью, гормоны бушуют, а мозг не успевает все это анализировать.

Задача родителей — объяснить, что происходит с организмом на всех уровнях. Параллельно создать условия, чтобы дочь или сын в новом теле чувствовали себя максимально комфортно. На помощь придут правильное питание, своевременные походы к врачам, занятия спортом. Конечно, не надо забывать, что подросток хочет быть красивым, и, например, подумать о гардеробе.

Правило № 2. Абсолютная, безусловная любовь

Это один из самых сложных принципов, ведь принимать другого (даже своего ребенка) таким, какой он есть, без оговорок, критики и претензий очень сложно. Такое чувство к родителям питают дети до 4−5-го класса. Потом приходит время поменяться местами. Личность, которая сложилась к подростковому периоду, и есть результат воспитания с рождения до этого момента. Другое дело, что результат может не устраивать родителей. Вот тут и наступает работа: необходимо забыть свои детские травмы и комплексы, стать примером успешного, счастливого человека и просто любить.

Тогда ребенок увидит пример, которому захочется подражать, увидит в вас человека, к которому хочется прислушиваться, с кем можно советоваться и быть друзьями.

5 способов скорректировать поведение подростка

Правило № 3. «Я-сообщение»

Чаще всего ребенок слышит обвинения в свой адрес: «Ты все делаешь не так», «У тебя ужасный характер», «Ты плохо учишься, не слушаешься». Такое общение несет в себе лишь конфликт. По-другому выглядит коммуникация, построенная на «Я-сообщении». С ее помощью можно поделиться переживаниями, рассказать о результатах действий так, что ребенок сам захочет поступать правильно без упреков и наказаний. В «Я-сообщении» важно поблагодарить за что-то хорошее, описать собственные переживания на тему конфликта, пояснить причину переживаний и завершить сообщение просьбой к нему. Такой подход меняет окраску общения между детьми и родителями в лучшую сторону.

Правило № 4. Поддержка и объятья

Вспомните последний случай, когда вас благодарили, делали вам комплимент. Приятно, не правда ли? Ведь это важно для самооценки и настроения. Взрослым стоит проанализировать свое общение и посчитать, сколько раз в день они обнимают детей (надо хотя бы 5), говорят такие фразы, как «понимаю» или «чем я могу помочь?» «какой/какая ты у меня молодец!». Очень важно, чтобы ребенок чувствовал поддержку взрослых, а отношения оттаивали и теплели. При этом повод для подбадривания может быть любым — от выбора одежды до успехов в какой-либо области.

Правило № 5. Вспомните себя

Один психолог сказал: «Если ты хочешь понять клиента, то должен побывать в его башмаке». Это действительно так. Родителям необходимо знать интересы своих детей, проводить вместе время, обсуждать друзей и учебу. Для налаживания отношений можно вспомнить свой подростковый период, рассказать смешные истории или переживания. Стоит подумать, что может захватить вас обоих, и использовать эти «точки соприкосновения».

Однажды меня спросили, что бы я назвала главным результатом в жизни. Подумав, я сказала, что это моменты и события, о которых мы вспоминаем с улыбкой на лице. Желаю всем родителям, и особенно родителям детей-подростков, как можно больше воспоминаний, когда они вместе улыбаются. Помните: воспитание ребенка — это прежде всего воспитание себя! Благополучие ребенка стоит всех трудов, приложенных для создания теплых и дружеских отношений и взаимопонимания навсегда.

5 способов скорректировать поведение подростка

Об авторе

Наталья Полетаева — семейный и женский психолог, коуч.

Источник: psychologies.ru

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